From Fear to Freedom: A Newbie's Experience at Sex Down South (Her Perspective)
"Healing doesn't happen in the places where we are pushing and forcing, but rather where we are surrendering and allowing."
This article is for anyone who has been thinking about going to Sex Down South in Atlanta but hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. TL;DR: Whatever reason you have for considering it is enough! Trust your gut and scroll to the last paragraph for tips!
Want the deets? Read on for more! And be sure to check back next week for HIS perspective!
My husband Reuben and I have attended virtually for the past few years, which was a great entry point for us since this was the first in-person event of its kind that we attended together. I’m a fearful avoidant, meaning I tend to shy away from anything that scares me. Even though I wanted so badly to participate in person, I’m not gonna lie—due to my CPTSD and religious trauma, SDS scared the shit out of me.
A little backstory for those new here…
Reuben and I, both in our late forties, grew up as Jehovah’s Witnesses in New England, about an hour away from one another. We met when we were 18 and 20 and were married five months later. We were one of the rare and fortunate couples whose relationship survived after waking up and fading out of the JW cult in our early thirties.
Reuben’s self-discovery journey started long before we left and was actually the catalyst for us getting out. My journey didn’t begin until much later. Though I had been out of the organization for more than seven years, when it came to sex and my own sexuality, I was unwittingly still living as a JW. I was stuck and didn’t realize just how bad it was until I almost lost my husband.
Long story short, almost losing him shook me to my core. I realized my worst-case scenario was staring me in the face. He needed things to change, and if I didn’t at least try, I knew I’d lose my best friend forever. That was around 2018/2019, and we’ve been on a self-discovery and sexual liberation journey together ever since!
This journey ultimately led us to Sex Down South.
We had planned to go in 2023, but I chickened out, so we only made it to Amina Peterson’s closing keynote on the final day—which was amazing, by the way!
Our agency (a sex-positive brand agency) has kept us busy, and we almost didn’t make it again this year. I was mostly okay with that because, as mentioned previously, I was scurred. Lol
I don’t remember exactly what changed, but a few weeks before the event, we realized it was important for our journey, and we knew we had to make it happen! We rearranged our schedule, booked a room at the conference hotel even though we only live a half hour away, and spent Thursday night through Sunday morning there. Best decision ever! Absolutely no regrets!
The Conference
We arrived at the Hilton Thursday evening, registered, had dinner, and went to bed. With both of us having chronic illnesses, we don’t do mornings very well, so unfortunately, we missed the morning sessions. However, we attended a few workshops and both keynotes on Friday and Saturday afternoon. The variety of topics was great; the hardest part was deciding which ones we were willing to miss in order to attend another.
One of my favorites was Dakota Rampen’s Throat Goatin’ workshop, with her boyfriend Courtney as her helper. I’m a sucker for romance, and the chemistry between them was palpable. Since Dakota is around the same age as my child, it definitely had me in my feels, and added an additional personal layer to the experience. I’m so proud of younger generations not only taking their pleasure into their own hands but also reaching back to help others—young and old—to do the same. It’s a beautiful sight to see, and it fills my heart with so much joy and hope for the future.
I also really appreciated hearing Victoria Von Blaque's keynote, Breaking Boundaries: The Rise of the First BBW Trans Porn Star. I hadn’t known her story before this, and it felt like a privilege to have heard it in her own words. I was not only moved by her story but inspired by her powerful presence. Despite everything she’s been through, she unapologetically, and with such grace, took up space as she shared her journey with us. I was filled with a profound sense of admiration, and an overwhelming desire to embody that same strength and elegance—a little how I imagine Stella felt before she got her groove back. In that moment, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.
Goody Howard closed out the educational portion of the conference with her keynote Pleasure is Political. At what other conference are you gonna get a keynote speaker delivering their talk while playfully interacting with a stripper pole?! Sex Down South is just different. It’s a beautiful blend of Marla’s educational background, Tia’s entertainment background, and Black culture’s audacious willingness to put its community first.
That being said, as an urban hippie white woman who often feels out of place in the world, I felt right at home. One thing that stood out to me was the contrast between how I felt walking into and throughout the conference space versus how I used to feel at the annual JW conventions of 2,000 to 10,000 people. There, I was constantly judged and learned to fear people. The last convention I attended ended with a panic attack, and I had to be escorted out in a wheelchair. Needless to say, I never went back after that.
I was afraid I might feel similarly at SDS, but it didn’t happen. At the JW conventions, I would have given anything to disappear. At SDS, I felt welcome and accepted, which made me want to be seen. I walked taller than I have in a long time, and it felt amazing! It was the wake-up call I needed to seek out more spaces like this, not less!
Religious Trauma and Triggers
As someone whose former life involved strict religious beliefs, I was conditioned to uphold rigid moral standards since birth—such as no sex before marriage, no dating without a chaperone or the intent to marry, viewing self-pleasure, and even oral sex as sinful, and considering the thought of someone other than your spouse as adultery—I’ve come a long way in my journey of deprogramming and relearning. However, the shadows of that past life still linger, and I feared being triggered by the event.
“Are you no longer being triggered, or are you just not in situations that trigger you?”
I’ve done enough personal growth work to know that the only way out is through. So Reuben and I went in fully prepared to utilize the healing space and retreat to our room if necessary for me to cry it out. But I was pleasantly surprised that, despite encountering many elements that would normally trigger me, I remained calm and at ease the entire time. 🥹
It’s important to note that while these elements can still be triggers for me, they also reflect parts of myself that I deeply long to embrace. I consider myself a very sensual person and look forward to the day when I can fully embody that and be surrounded by it, free from insecurity or emotional triggers from old wounds.
It’s also important to note that after having attended the full virtual event and knowing exactly what to expect during both the Little and Big Bangs, we ultimately decided to forgo the evening entertainment this time around. Instead, we chose to collect our Ws, treasure the precious new memories we created together, and let them fuel the confidence boost we’ll likely need to attend the parties next time! Because, yes dear reader, there will most definitely be a next time, and I hope to see you there! 🥰
"It was not time that healed you; it was your courage to feel everything you used to run from."
For anyone feeling anxious about attending for the first time, know that you're not alone. My biggest takeaway is that it’s perfectly okay to go at your own pace. You don’t have to do E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G to have an amazing experience—baby steps toward the life you want are still steps forward. If you’re concerned about fears or triggers, have a plan in place. Whether it’s taking breaks, leaning on a partner, or retreating to a safe space when needed, prioritizing your well-being is a non-negotiable. You’re there to grow, learn, connect, and enjoy yourself, and that won’t happen if you push yourself beyond what feels comfortable. Embrace what feels right, and trust that whatever level you engage at is enough. The journey is yours!
xoxo
A note from him…
While Sherri's take on the weekend reflects her vulnerability and willingness to embrace discomfort in the pursuit of growth, my experience as a Black man navigating this space hit a little different. What she shared obviously resonates, but there’s even more to it…
Beyond Barriers: Love, Liberation, and Belonging at Sex Down South (His Perspective)
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